This past week has given me an insight into the baseness of Ugandan society, especially in the regards of news worthy events. Cases in point, let’s look at events as I would have reported them.
i) There was a nuclear stand off in the Middle East, with the Iranian president canceling his trip overseas. You gotta love this guy, not one to back down all because the mighty US says so. (One for you 27th).
ii) The Keep Kasese Kaveera Free campaign had a stillbirth. Apparently, some bigwig forgot to sign off on the budget for the project. I know it’s totally expected in Africa and hence shouldn’t be a news worthy event, but in this year of CHOGM, you can’t blame one for hoping against hope….
iii) A couple of rogue MPs (Movement) took a stand different from the other sycophants, causing a lot of kavuyo in Parliament. Undue, if you ask me. I mean, so an MP actually grew a brain. Big deal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s about time they began to follow their own line, instead of chorusing like kindergarten kids whenever Mzee says so. Party positions my arse!!!!!!!!!!
iv) The Inspector General of Police passed out a brigade of anti-smuggling police, with orders to uphold the sovereignty of Uganda, blah blah blah. Best part is he gave them orders to shoot to kill whoever was trying to compromise the economy of Uganda. Now that’s more like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plus tons of other events that got shunted to inners annals of our country’s leading dailies. Instead, the major news event was the wrap up of the lousiest soap ever screened on Ugandan airwaves. La mujer de mi vida, loosely translated, the woman of my life. I mean seriously, really is this what it has come to? The end of a soap merits more mention than a possible nuclear holocaust in the oil rich Middle East? A Government initiative gone bad? An impending mutiny in the ruling caucus of parliament? A return to Wild West rules? And you mean to tell me just because the major gossip fodder is over that it merits a front page berth? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! Quite frankly, I’m glad it’s over. Now we can get on with our lives! I’ve always wondered why people watch soaps anyway. If you seen one, you’ve seen them all. All soaps have a basic formula.
i) There’s always a wealthy family loathed by everyone else in society. This family normally calls the shots in the community, probably has a police chief or a local politician in their pocket.
ii) A poor person normally marries into this family, much to the chagrin of the family members, more especially the matriarch of this family.
iii) There’s always a love triangle somewhere in this family, probably in the name of raising the suspense. Baseless, if you ask me.
iv) There has to be goody-two-shoes, who gets laden with everyone else’s secrets. However, they end up having the darkest secret of all………
v) You gotta have a scheming bitch trying to break up some couple, yet fronting like she’s their closest friend.
vi) Kill off someone, then bring them back to life later on to avenge their ‘death’.
vii) Frame someone for murder, preferably the leading lady, while making it glaringly obvious to the viewers, but not to the nitwits who reside in the community.
All things constant, maybe it deserved a front page mention. This program single handedly accounted for most of the university breakups. I mean, how macho would your boyfriend be if he can’t come over for cell because he’s linking up with his boys to watch Barbarita? And just when you need to get off, Kyane can’t arrive coz there’s a Barbarita marathon this weekend and she has to catch up coz most off her friends gave her sketchy details and she needs to see that kiss for herself. Ain’t life a bitch? (I’m sure 27th can relate to this)
Gotta run, things to see, people to do.
Song on repeat: Todii by Oliver Mtukudzi.